| Friday, February 20, 2009 |
| Disappointment |
Each one of us has dealt with disappointment. It’s so much a part of our everyday life that we often become immune to it; we simply shrug it off as, “that’s life.” Much of this disappointment we feel relates to this post(http://whateverchristian.blogspot.com/2009/01/home.html) about being from Paradise. We are not made to be in this world in which we now occupy.
Simply put, disappointment is when our expectations or wishes are not fulfilled. We are disappointed by many sources: the people close to us, ourselves, our situations, our God. My most recent disappointment came from a person. A childhood friend and I have been slowly losing touch, going back and forth between being close friends who grew up together to changed people who don’t really know one another. Even though this person had been blowing me off for many months, I had high hopes. I had every intention to fight for the friendship, to reconnect, to understand the reason behind this division. I did not demand his compliance, but made myself blatantly available to talk. I let him know that I was available, near by, and wanting a minute of his time. He told me he was busy, but that he would come by if he had time. I waited four hours. I prayed fervently for a restored relationship. I made my desires known to myself and to God: I wanted him to show up; I wanted a productive conversation; and I wanted healing. I was confidant that God would do this because I know relationships are so important to him. The longer I waited, my confidence began to fade. I started praying for peace whether or not it turned out how I expected. I knew I’d be hurt, so I prayed for my own heart. I let the person know I was leaving soon and still he didn’t come. The only way I can describe the way I initially felt was “down.” I’m sure my body language and face expressed this “down” feeling. I was also embarrassed. Only a fool waits that long for someone to show up. I then became mad and prideful. “How could someone be so rude and indifferent?” “He doesn’t deserve my friendship.” “Doesn’t he know you have to work to maintain a friendship?” And finally came resolve and the ability to pinpoint the deep reasons of my disappointment. My desire to have intimate, successful relationships had be thwarted. Also, my desire to be cared and considered worthy of someone’s precious time was not fulfilled. I knew what I wanted before ever taking action. I also knew the risks. Taping into our hearts is dangerous enough, but taking action to fulfill our desire runs the risk of transparently being disappointed.
We have three choices: we can squelch our desire and bury it so deep that it deteriorates into nothing; we can live only by are carnal desires, attempting to sate our wants at every opportunity, appropriate or not; or we can choose to live aware of our desire, but with our hope in heaven.
I was incredibly disappointed by the failure of my desire to transpire. But I stand firm on two truths, that 1) my story here on earth is not over and 2) restoration and the fulfillment of my God-breathed desires is to come.
“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.” Colossians 3:1 |
posted by Carsen @ 10:06 AM  |
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| Wednesday, February 11, 2009 |
| Rain |
| The rain pours solidly and steadily, washing over me like the love you pour out. Young girls shamelessly open their arms wide, letting it wash over them. They are drenched. It comes down in sheets, such sweet relief for this dry land. I stand inside staring out a wall made of windows, safe from the exhilarating cold, too embarrassed to do what I really desire: to play unashamed, joyfully in your rain. It distorts everything we see, a sort of haze over our vision, yet your love is clearer than a steady lake just waiting to be jumped into. The world goes on unassuming, oblivious to the beauty and wonder. Groups chatter about the mundane events of their lives, unable and unwilling to notice the rain. It's been raining all their lives and they don't care to notice. They don't care to worship because all they see are these four comfortable walls. As Elijah prayed, so do I, open their eyes Lord. Let them see. |
| posted by Carsen @ 12:39 PM |
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| "As for me, I am in your hands; do with me whatever you think is good and right." Jeremiah 26:14 |
| About Me |
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Name: Carsen
Home: California, United States
About Me: army wife, nurse, daughter, sister, Jesus-lover, and friend.
See my complete profile
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