Whatever Christian

Cite Soleil

2010-05-25T10:46:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning thinking about Cite Soleil. I learned about this city when I was 16 and on my way to Haiti for the first time. I was told that it was so dangerous that there were very few missionaries serving there. I thought, "but isn't that the sort of place missionaries ought to minister to?" But what did I know as a wide-eyed 16 year old? A few years later I expressed my desire to serve in a place like Cite Soleil and I was met with incredulous looks, attitudes of dismay and concern, and blatant opposition. In all fairness, I was an unequipped 18 year old girl, but I wasn't suggesting going right that second. Still, I thought, "who will go then?" Six years after I learned about Cite Soleil, it still is on my heart. This morning I learned more about what Heartline Ministries is doing in Cite Soleil and I'm excited to see how God crafts this ministry. Today I'm praying for all of Haiti, but especially Cite Soleil, and Heartline Ministries. Will you?

intention

2010-03-26T08:43:00.000-07:00

My generation has gone soft in many ways. Some of that softening is good, but not all of it. One way I believe we've "gone soft" compared to past generations is the whole idea of intent. We are tolerant of misguided actions as long as there were "good intentions." I'm here to say that intention doesn't mean squat if there isn't action behind it. And I'm willing to bet there is some controversy with that statement. First of all, I believe that we will be judged (and given grace) based off both the condition of our hearts and our actions. Ultimately, that is the Lord God's job, but we humans do it to each other as well as some form of "justice regulation." Secondly, from a sociological/psychological standpoint it's utterly fascinating to delve into the reasons behind our actions and can provide much insight to the human soul. However, with those aspects aside, I firmly agree with the age old cliche "actions speak louder than words."

When I lived in Haiti, there was no cook early Sunday morning and it was Angela's(house manager of the orphanage) job to feed the children breakfast. She got up early every morning to prepare food for thirty hungry kids. I had agreed to help. Most days I would, at best, wake up just as she was finishing the preparation and would help pass out the food. I didn't intentionally lie in bed and choose to not go help her. I didn't not get up out of spite. I wanted to help and felt bad when I dropped the ball. I didn't intentionally not keep my word, but I also was not intentional about getting up. I did not proactively make sure I had an alarm set or someone to wake me. I didn't go to bed early knowing that I was going to have to get up early. I didn't intentionally NOT help her, but I also didn't intentionally help.

While intention doesn't stand up to action in it's effectiveness, they can be a powerful combination. At the Rocknasium (an indoor rock climbing gym), there was a route I'd been trying. The very first maneuver required me to grab a rock from a near sitting position that was just out of my reach. Over and over again I'd let go of the first rock to reach the upper one and fall flat on my back. People were encouraging me and I was getting frustrated with my failure, a concoction to be reckoned with. Finally, with determination in my eyes, I lunged with every muscle in my body and grabbed onto that rock. A girl who'd be standing with us said "Yes! You did it... with conviction this time!" My focus was fixed and I was able to do what I'd set out to do because of the intent behind my action.

Those two examples are small things. Rock climbing isn't important and children got fed whether I stayed in bed all day or not. But it makes me wonder about the collective force of action with intention. We may not be intentionally ignoring the thousands of people living in modern-day slavery, those without access to clean drinking water, victims of abuse and rape, those without homes, food, or medical attention, those who've never been free to read or write, or those without a voice... but if we are not intentionally doing something about it, what are we doing? I want to be an intentional, convicted servant with the strength, grace, and vision of God propelling me. And if I can pull that off, I'd be a little powerhouse for real change and a real demonstration of Love. Imagine what it'd be like if we all did the same...

the classics

2010-03-03T14:10:00.000-08:00

I believe in red lipstick and a good stiletto. I believe in flower power and surrounding ones self with beautiful things. I believe in diamonds and lace. I believe that a good outfit can transform you. I believe in the man making the first move. I love classic movies, painted nails, and going to the opera or ballet. I love art, poetry, music, and fashion. I believe that adventure is romance in it's best form.

I've always been a little bit old fashioned at heart, but I rarely admitted it. I always thought that a pretty dress is a sign of weakness and that no woman could get anything substantial done in heels. I thought that softness was weakness and beauty was shallow. I thought that if I looked pretty, people would ignore my intelligence, my strength, and my drive. I'm learning that this is not necessarily true and sometimes is quite the opposite... and loving every minute of it.

photos via weheartit.com

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life

2010-01-07T13:46:00.001-08:00

and I'm feelin' good...

A week late, but here's to 2010!

(The original video is great, but it's protected against embedding. This is as good as I could get. Enjoy)

Floodgates

2009-11-27T10:21:00.000-08:00

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." Malachi 3:10

According to wordnetweb.princeton.edu, a floodgate is "something that restrains a flood or outpouring." To find the force of the outpour, one must multiply pressure times area. In Malachi, the Lord says that He will throw open the floodgates of heaven. Even if the pressure behind the floodgate of heaven equals just 1 pascal, the area (length times height) of heaven is immeasurable. The area of heaven multiplied by just one is still too big for my mind to fathom. And since the Lord says there will be so much blessing that we will not have room for it, I'm thinking the pressure is more than one.

But the Lord prefaces this promise with a command: "bring the whole tithe." He is commanding us to bring just a portion (10%) of what he's given us. This tithe is just the bare minimum of our giving and yet he tells us to test him and promises to give immeasurable blessing. I started a new job in September and got my first paycheck in October. I have been faithfully tithing 10% of my income, including tips and babysitting money. Pastor Dave preached on God's perspective of wealth and mentioned something called "kingdom investments." These kingdom investments are offerings we give that our beyond our tithe.

I realized that while I'd been faithful in tithing, I was doing the bare minimum. I was positioning myself in a low place, but could do better. By investing in the kingdom, one also positions himself for blessing. And since this is the only time (that I know of) that the Lord says to test Him, I'm pretty sure he's serious about it. I prayed about a certain organization that was on my heart and specifically how much to give. Sixty dollars was the answer. I gave $60 and felt totally excited about it and started praying where I could give next and in what capacity. Less than a week later, I opened my mail to find an unexpected check for $120.24 from my last job, a little more than double of what I gave. I almost starting crying when I thought about the story of the ten talents (Matthew 25:14-28) and how the master said "well done, my good and faithful servant". I realize that $120 is not something to really cry over, but it wasn't the money. My God kept His promise in a very tangible way. The best part was that I wasn't expecting my blessing to be monetary. I didn't give to get. My perspective on wealth is kingdom oriented and I am content with being obedient and my reward storing up in heaven. However, it was really encouraging to have a tangible example of the blessings of the Lord. Where and how are you investing? How are you positioning yourself for blessing?

2009-11-23T19:54:00.000-08:00

We were the most unlikely friends. I played sports; she did baton twirling. I had the tact of a bull in a china shop; she got her feelings hurt easily. I was loud, bossy, and rambunctious. She was quiet, easy-going, and even-keeled. My room was a mess; hers was always clean. I was ten when I met seven-and-a-half-year-old Jordan. We moved in across the street from her house. I was convinced that I could fly and couldn't understand why I couldn't teach Jordan how to do the same. We spent hours jumping off her bed. She watched me with wide brown eyes as I tried to explain how I'd done it before. I built a tree fort and she painted a pretty "welcome" sign. I laughed at the lady who told us she was going to call the cops if we didn't stop trespassing; she whispered "we should go." The only thing Jordan and I had in common was a need for a friend. Both of our families were kind of messed up at the time and our friendship was like a shelter in the storm. I made her laugh. She made me feel special. She listened and took my side when I was mad. I hugged her when she cried. I was mean to her occasionally, but she always forgave me. She would make me mad, but always made it up to me. I moved away when I was fifteen and didn't see her again until this summer. It took me eleven years to realize what I'd learned from Jordan. Jordan is sensitive and kind and thoughtful. I often mistook her gentleness for weakness, but I've realized how wrong I was. She taught me to be careful with my words and how much a little kindness can really go. As a young girl, she taught me that feminine qualities are not something to hide or give away, but something to be shared with those whom you love, yet special enough to keep protected. She taught me that being sensitive is OK. When I wanted to tromp through the garden to get to the woods, she was the one reminding me to watch my step. Her physical beauty is apparent to any passerby, but it takes getting close to her to smell the real sweetness of her character.

I know it's a day late, but happy birthday Jordy-Jo! Thank for being an amazing friend and teacher.

Ice Berg

2009-11-09T18:39:00.000-08:00

I feel like an ice berg lately: a lot is going on inside that I'm unable to express. I have a hard time communicating all the stuff that's going on in my head and heart before I've sorted it out myself. There are changes happening my life and this period of time has lead to a kind of quietness. There are, however, a few simple conclusions I've come to:

Surrender is a process. Everyday, every situation, every attitude, I find it necessary to surrender to Him.

Purity is also a process. Like other things, I'm hoping it gets easier with practice. Everything from my manner of speech to how I guard my heart so desperately needs to be brought into the light. This is painful and like a cockroach, my sin scurries away from the light and runs for cover. I must be real and intimate with the Lord and let him into all areas of my heart.

Part of this quietness has come from a period of being broken. My version of humility has been the realization that I'm a fool.

I have wonderful, Spirit-filled, God-fearing friends that inspire, encourage, and challenge me. I'm forever thankful for them.

Perhaps soon I'll be able to express what's going on inside. It's such a freeing feeling to be able to organize thoughts, share feelings, and breathe truth. But for now, I welcome the process.

Ordinary Things

2009-10-12T16:03:00.000-07:00

"The true test of a person's spiritual life and character is not what he does in the extraordinary moments of life, but what he does during the ordinary times when there is nothing tremendous or exciting happening." -Oswald Chambers

School, work, chores, obligations, studying, church, swimming... all ordinary things in the life of Carsen. There are some potentially exciting things happening (i.e. applying to nursing programs), but its the ordinary things that test my character and spiritual maturity. I read Jonah the other day. I do not want to be like Jonah. That guy is such a hard-headed, whiny, dramatic, selfish dude. And as much as I don't want to be like Jonah, I find myself spewing the same sort of attitude when it come to the ordinary things. (Luckily, I'm not planning on taking any boat rides in the near future.) I want to obey God on my terms and in the things that are exciting or rewarding. But he calls us to be obedient even in the everyday, boring, ordinary things. And by His grace, people like Jonah (and me) are still saved and used for His purpose. I love Jonah's prayer:

"The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed wrapped around my head. To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath barred me in forever. But you brought my life up from the pit, O Lord my God." - Jonah 2:5-6

A beautiful sunset on an ordinary day. Thank you Lord, for reminding me that You are the one who paints the skies.

it's that time again...

2009-09-18T10:16:00.000-07:00

a reason for my hiatus:

justice is what love looks like in public

2009-08-09T15:16:00.000-07:00

Not a day goes by that I don't think about those who suffer. Their stories, their names, their faces all hang heavy on my heart. I refuse to become desensitized to suffering, even though sometimes it makes me feel like I might explode from grief. It enrages me. It's not acceptable.

The more I come into full contact with injustice, the more complex it gets. For many years, I've been dreaming big things about Haiti. Every time I think I've got a handle on the situation in Haiti, a new variable is added. Something else comes up that makes my previous plan fallible. Here is an example of the conversation that goes on in my head: "Haiti needs education. Ok, a school. But if the children are starving, how do I expect them to be able to learn? And what about when they go home? Who will help them with their homework? Ok... let's educate the whole family and give them meals when they come to class. When will the mother and father work? How will they make money? The children are all sick because they don't have access to clean water. Let's come up with a water filtration system... who will implement it?..." and on and on it goes. Pretty exhausting, eh?

Staring deep into to the eyes of a woman whose situation is hopeless beyond explanation forced me into a stark reality: I can't do a damn thing to change this woman's life on a scale that is comparable to her suffering. Because here's the thing: there is no hope, no hope... apart from Christ. I can offer no comfort, no reassurance, no peace, no hope unless I offer the hope of eternity spent in the presence of God.

I went to a Call and Response seminar where musicians and other celebrities try to tackle the issue of social injustice, specifically, current day slavery. Someone on the Call and Response video said "justice is what love looks like in public." If that's true, then the reality is that injustice is what sin looks like in public. Suffering is the manifestation of a world apart from Christ. As Christians, we are called to love. Romans 12:9 says "Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good." This makes me wonder, where are the Christians in this situation? What are we doing? Is our love sincere? Are we clinging to what is good? Where are our seeds planted and what kind of fruit is growing? You may be able to educate, feed, heal, employ and empower people, but what about their souls? And what if you can't do any of those things? I know these things are heavy. Honestly, they should be. Maybe I'm the only one who struggles with the idea of evangelizing, but I doubt it. This is something that really challenges me and I hope to challenge you too.

back again...

2009-07-29T14:46:00.000-07:00

...and terribly tired!

Tour de (southern) California went pretty well if you ask me!
Things we did/places we went:
San Francisco
Napa Valley
Sacramento
Celebrated my 21st birthday
San Diego
Surf
The Zoo
More beach
Balboa Park
Hollywood
Visited family

wrapping up

2009-07-17T13:07:00.000-07:00

Mitchell and I made it safely home. Our second flight had mechanical problems and was delayed two hours. Luckily our connecting flight was also delayed which meant that we didn't have to stay the night in an airport or try to find another flight home later. We were very thankful for that.
The last week we continued doing what we had been doing: Mitchell working at English camp and I doing women's ministry stuff. I really enjoyed doing home visits and getting to know the women in the program better. I wish that I had time to do more. My Kreyol really improved this trip and I was so thankful to be able to chat with the women, learn about their lives, and build relationships. We were blessed with wonderful host families and great teams to partner with. This trip has made my life more passionate, purposeful, and full of praise. I'm really excited about the future and what the Lord has in store for my life.

The next portion of my summer will be spent vacationing in San Diego with my friend Kristin and camping in Oregon with the family.

se pa facil

2009-07-05T12:34:00.000-07:00

This week was a bit rougher than the previous ones. Haiti is not an easy place. It is by no means soft. It is not kind nor gentle nor tender. And sadly enough, in order to survive here, you too must become hard. The unwanted guest, bad news, shows up so often that you start to expect it: news of being HIV positive; the warning signs of an impending miscarriage, which results in another life being tossed into the ravine; another disease, which would be easily curable in any other place but here. Days here are filled with situations that make those who’ve remained sensitive wince, things that make ones with foreign eyes whisper, “it’s not supposed to be like this.” The weeks are filled with situations that make you look deep into the eyes of these rocks in the sun and wonder if their hearts are burning with frustration like yours. Emotions are displaced, justice is no longer clear cut, and circumstances are more complex than the very cells that make up these human beings. More than anything, this place can make one feel stuck.

I hope that being here helps me to identify with those who suffer and in some small way be present enough to show compassion, comfort, and most importantly the love of Christ, even in the times I’m weary.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

okipe

2009-06-28T14:22:00.000-07:00

Our week can be summed up with the words painting, planning, and playing!
Andrew, Mitchell, Katie, and I worked on cleaning out an outdoor kitchen area at the Tlucek's that was being used to store trash. The boys got rid of the trash and powerwashed/scrubbed the room down. Then Mitchell and I, with the help of Katie, painted the walls and cabinets. It turned out pretty cute!

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English Camp starts next week and the last few days have been full of busy preparation for the next six weeks. There are 70 kids coming to learn English and hear the Word of God with crafts, music, games, sports, and story time.

I won't be around for the first week because I get to shaddow an OB/GYN coming here for a week to see all of the women in the women's program. We're also planning to do house visits with the women to get a better idea of who they are and what their needs are.

Last but not least, we've been playing with the kids at the orphanages. I also got to visit Three Angels today after church. Thanks Megan for giving me a ride!

Nou la!

2009-06-21T18:22:00.000-07:00

Mitchell and I made it safely to Haiti early Wednesday morning. We're staying at Byron and Shelly's house. The Tluceks have lived in Haiti for three years and are a part of Heartline Ministries. They head up the orphanages. There is a team here from Indiana consisting of 30 or so people, mostly teenagers and young adults. They taught nanny classes at the girls home while other team members led a VBS for all of the kids over at the boys home. Other team members did various jobs around different locations of the ministry. Mitchell and I have been tagging along helping out where we can. Byron and Shelly have been providing meals for the team, so we've been helping out with that too. Yesterday we passed out food, clothing, and shoes to a couple hundred people in a town outside of Cite Soleil. It was overwhelming toward the end when food ran out and people were swarming the gates. But we had some awesome security guards and a pretty powerful Guard, uh God, on our side. Some nerves were rattled, but other than that it went smoothly. This morning we went to church and enjoyed proclaiming the name of Jesus with people of many ethnic and cultural backgrounds.

First Stop

2009-06-11T13:02:00.001-07:00

I drove down to Coarsegold, California (near Yosemite) to see Angela and Judah. We had a wonderful time relaxing and playing. On Monday Ranger Ralph (Angela's dad) showed us around Yosemite National Park. I spent the day with Angela's parents, Angela, Judah (Angela's daughter), and some friends from their church. The park is breathtaking! God must of had fun designing that one. I enjoyed seeing large pieces of exposed granite, waterfalls, giant sequoia trees, the Merced river, and many other natural beauties. But best of all I enjoyed spending time with my dear friend. It was great to see her again. It was also great to hang out with Judah. We've shared some rough, but equally amazing times together. I'm so thankful the Lord blessed me with such a precious gift!

Supplies

2009-05-31T14:05:00.000-07:00

I'm gathering supplies for my Haiti trip. Here's the list of things needed:

material for the sewing program (large amounts)
thread of all colors, heavy
iron supplements
pregnancy tests
hand sanitizer
soap
newborn baby clothes and onesies- summer
cloth diapers
newborn Pampers
Tylenol- baby and adult
sanitary napkins
tuna
canned chicken
peanut butter
trail mix
Gatorade

If you'd like to donate items (or money for me to buy items), email me at carsengray@hotmail.com and I can give you an address to send it to. I leave the morning of June 16 and would like to have my bags packed by June 14. You can also donate at heartlineministries.org

Going, Going, Gone!

2009-05-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

Summer is here and it's shaping up to be pretty eventful!

I got 2 A's and 2 B's this semester; which is good, but I hope to do better next semester. I've decided to move back in with my parents and go to school in Fairfield. The plan is to then transfer to CSU Sacramento. I have two semesters left of prereqs and then I can apply to a BSN program.

But first, I have a busy summer ahead of me. I'm moving next week and then going to visit Angela near Yosemite. Other than being really excited about seeing You-You and Judah, I'm excited to visit Yosemite. I've lived in California my whole life and have never been.

Then I go to Haiti June 16-July 14. A good friend and I will be staying and working with Heartline Ministries. I'm so pumped up about this!

Next, my friend Kristin from Michigan is coming for 10 days. We're going to San Diego, Hollywood, Napa, and Sacramento. We're going to the world famous San Diego zoo and will be taking surfing lessons, among other things.

Last but not least, my family is going to Oregon for a week of camping in August before school starts.

Now I'm off to do some boating and "sea-dooing" before I have to work the busy Memorial Day weekend.
I'm such a lucky girl!

Some Fun

2009-04-17T10:16:00.000-07:00

I was looking over my blog and realized that all you know is that I've been disappointed and am bogged down by school, but I assure I've had some fun too:

-My friend, Lauren, and I threw a fancy dance party at my house for a small group of our friends. We made some good food and had delicious punch and desserts.

-I was on spring break last week and I managed to squeeze in a hike and a sun tan before it started raining.
-Aleah and I went shopping and I got three tops and one sweater all for $20.74 total. Yeah, I'm that good.
-Preston and I did some long boarding.
-I had a late night of Denny's and movies with some friends from work.
-I learned how to play guitar hero. I'm a little bit intense. It's the perfectionist in me.
-I have 4 more weeks of instruction and 1 week of finals until I'm home free!

Now I'm off to study for my lab exam!

Disappointment

2009-02-20T10:06:00.000-08:00

Each one of us has dealt with disappointment. It’s so much a part of our everyday life that we often become immune to it; we simply shrug it off as, “that’s life.” Much of this disappointment we feel relates to this post(http://whateverchristian.blogspot.com/2009/01/home.html) about being from Paradise. We are not made to be in this world in which we now occupy.

Simply put, disappointment is when our expectations or wishes are not fulfilled. We are disappointed by many sources: the people close to us, ourselves, our situations, our God. My most recent disappointment came from a person. A childhood friend and I have been slowly losing touch, going back and forth between being close friends who grew up together to changed people who don’t really know one another. Even though this person had been blowing me off for many months, I had high hopes. I had every intention to fight for the friendship, to reconnect, to understand the reason behind this division. I did not demand his compliance, but made myself blatantly available to talk. I let him know that I was available, near by, and wanting a minute of his time. He told me he was busy, but that he would come by if he had time. I waited four hours. I prayed fervently for a restored relationship. I made my desires known to myself and to God: I wanted him to show up; I wanted a productive conversation; and I wanted healing. I was confidant that God would do this because I know relationships are so important to him. The longer I waited, my confidence began to fade. I started praying for peace whether or not it turned out how I expected. I knew I’d be hurt, so I prayed for my own heart. I let the person know I was leaving soon and still he didn’t come. The only way I can describe the way I initially felt was “down.” I’m sure my body language and face expressed this “down” feeling. I was also embarrassed. Only a fool waits that long for someone to show up. I then became mad and prideful. “How could someone be so rude and indifferent?” “He doesn’t deserve my friendship.” “Doesn’t he know you have to work to maintain a friendship?” And finally came resolve and the ability to pinpoint the deep reasons of my disappointment. My desire to have intimate, successful relationships had be thwarted. Also, my desire to be cared and considered worthy of someone’s precious time was not fulfilled. I knew what I wanted before ever taking action. I also knew the risks. Taping into our hearts is dangerous enough, but taking action to fulfill our desire runs the risk of transparently being disappointed.

We have three choices: we can squelch our desire and bury it so deep that it deteriorates into nothing; we can live only by are carnal desires, attempting to sate our wants at every opportunity, appropriate or not; or we can choose to live aware of our desire, but with our hope in heaven.
I was incredibly disappointed by the failure of my desire to transpire. But I stand firm on two truths, that 1) my story here on earth is not over and 2) restoration and the fulfillment of my God-breathed desires is to come.
“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.” Colossians 3:1

Rain

2009-02-11T12:39:00.000-08:00

The rain pours solidly and steadily, washing over me like the love you pour out. Young girls shamelessly open their arms wide, letting it wash over them. They are drenched. It comes down in sheets, such sweet relief for this dry land. I stand inside staring out a wall made of windows, safe from the exhilarating cold, too embarrassed to do what I really desire: to play unashamed, joyfully in your rain. It distorts everything we see, a sort of haze over our vision, yet your love is clearer than a steady lake just waiting to be jumped into. The world goes on unassuming, oblivious to the beauty and wonder. Groups chatter about the mundane events of their lives, unable and unwilling to notice the rain. It's been raining all their lives and they don't care to notice. They don't care to worship because all they see are these four comfortable walls. As Elijah prayed, so do I, open their eyes Lord. Let them see.

My Courses

2009-01-23T10:43:00.000-08:00

I'm taking 15 units this semester and am at school Monday-Friday for much of the day. It's overwhelming and challenging, but I love it! Chemistry is my hardest class and my favorite is microbiology. Seriously, I love micro. I'm also really interested in biochemistry and how chemistry relates to pharmacology. We won't get into those areas much in my chemistry class, but it is a foundational class that will help me understand more specific areas within the field. Here are the course descriptions:

Chemistry: A course for science and engineering majors which covers the nature of atoms, molecules, and ions; chemical reactions; stoichiometry; properties of solids, liquids, gases, and solutions; electronic structure; periodicity; chemical bonding; and an introduction to thermodynamics, equilibrium, and precipitation oxidation-reduction, and acid/base chemistry.

Microbiology: This course is an introduction to microorganisms, including bacteria, viruses, protozoans, fungi, and helminths. Topics covered include the general properties, characteristics, and classification of microbes, identification and control, genetics and biotechnology, physiology, metabolism, and ecology. Also discussed are immunity and the medical impact of microbial diseases.

Human Development (also called Developmental Psychology): This course involves a study of development and behavior throughout the human life span. Classic and up-to-date research on the physical, cognitive, and psychosocial domains will be presented. Theories will be integrated with practical application concepts throughout the course, underscoring the importance of life-long learning and adaptation.

Science Colloquium: Highly recommended for all science majors. This guest-lecture series will feature a broad range of professional scientists invited to summarize research and current issues from their disciplines. Topics will emphasize the bridge between the science (astronomy, biology, chemistry, environmental science, geology, physics and medicine) and society. A schedule of topics and invited speakers will be posted at the beginning of the semester..

I'm also doing swimming twice a week to get some exercise in. And... I start working on Monday. So, if I die of exhaustion, you'll understand why. ;)

Home

2009-01-16T10:28:00.000-08:00

I have called many places home, even places I’ve never lived. Things or people feel like home just as much, if not more, than places. I feel more at home in my parents’ new house, a place I’ve never lived, than the one I call my own. I feel at home with Elmise in my arms, whether it would be in Haiti or Michigan. I am at home in the wild, whether I be surrounded by mountains or oceans or meadows. I am home when I’m surrounded by my siblings. I am at home when I’m praying and worshipping, whether it be in the quiet solitude of my bedroom or the crowded stadium of some revival tour. I feel at home in many places, but no matter where I go or who I’m with, I miss someone or something. It’s not that I can’t enjoy the situation; it’s just that there is a sometimes quiet, sometimes thunderous, longing in my heart for something more. I usually put a label on that something so that I can attempt to identify it, “I miss Haiti… I miss my mom…. I miss the mountains…” whatever it may be. I’ve said that I just need to be content with wherever I’m at, mostly because I’m aware of what other people may think, but never really believing it.

I don’t want to be content. I have dreams and longings and hopes for adventures and great accomplishments and things better than this life as we know it that I’m too stubborn to let go. So I live with this stirring of the heart not knowing what to do with it. To stifle it would be to let go of the very desires that make me who I am and to let them free would be dangerous and vulnerable. John Eldredge makes a case for the discontentment I feel in his book, The Journey of Desire. He writes, “Something awful has happened, something terrible. Something worse, even, than the fall of man. For in that greatest of all tragedies, we merely lost Paradise- and with it, everything that made life worth living. What has happened since is unthinkable: we’ve gotten used to it… Regardless of our religious or philosophical beliefs, most of us live as though this life is pretty much the way things are supposed to be” (bold mine). If becoming used to the everyday life is something awful, then I must have something right. As if to answer my question about this longing, this discontentment, Nathanial Hawthorne writes, “Our Creator would have never made such lovely days, and given us such deep hearts to enjoy them, above and beyond all thought, unless we were meant to be immortal.” You see, our real home is not here. We get little glimpses of heaven in sunsets, poetry, laughter, music, and love. These hints of a life lived full give us enough desire to keep us longing for more, unless of course we dismiss them and become used to the world we live in.

I’ve recently wondered where I should say I’m from…. Woodland? Redding? Michigan? Haiti? San Diego? What if we became so heaven oriented that our response was, “I’m from Paradise.”? We were not meant for a life full of sin and violence and heartbreak, only for a place more beautiful and grand than we can imagine. “But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.” Philippians 3: 20-21 (Also see Isaiah 65).

Estella

2008-12-16T18:30:00.000-08:00

Estella has a gentle, quiet way of loving. She is shy, but strong. She has known heartache, yet there is a sparkle in her eye and sunshine in her smile. While her love whispers, her acts of service pierce my heart, scream to the very core of me, and deafeningly teach me what it really means to possess a servant’s heart.

I had returned to what was home at the time feeling defeated by the result of the day. I was frustrated, angry, and exhausted. I had been up and down Port au Prince trying to accomplish something and in a very typical manor had been let down. I was marching through an unwelcoming market carrying a sick baby when it began to rain and I thought, “How appropriate.” If it hadn’t been for the hundreds of dark eyes already staring at me, I would have started crying then. The rain is powerful; it kills and it saves. We usually welcome the rain for it provides life-giving water. It also has a way of washing away the dirt and renewing the soul. Today all it seemed to do was create mud. The rain made the thick, sticky type of mud that sprays up your legs with every flick of a flip flop. A woman gave me a cloth to cover the baby with and gave me a look that said, “That stupid child, doesn’t she know the rain could kill a baby?” When you are from a place that watches children die as fast as the rain comes, you start to form your own superstitions. I barged through the large blue gates and plopped the baby down in the first lap I found and headed back to the well. I couldn’t stop the tears from coming. Haiti often makes one feel helpless and all efforts pointless. I avoided making contact with questioning eyes as I found the bucket and began hauling up water. Someone handed me a small yellow tub to fill and curiously said “Sissy?” as if to prompt me to explain. I said nothing, not sure how to explain my reaction to the frustration these women are accustomed to. I sat down and stared at my feet and thought about how incredibly blessed I am when I noticed that Estella had planted herself in a chair in front of me and informed me that she was going to wash my feet. I told her she didn’t have to do that, but she just grabbed the soap and began anyway. The mud was all the way up to my thighs and she gingerly washed it all away. It was late in the afternoon and time for her to go home to her own family and her own chores, yet she took her time. I began to cry again at the beautiful parallel of this moment and the moment shared between Christ and his disciples. Washing someone’s feet is intimate, humbling and selfless. This is the relationship Christ had with his disciples. I was filthy, but Estella was not afraid to get her hands dirty in order to make me clean. I was filthy, but Jesus was not afraid to die pierced, bloodied, bruised, and betrayed on a cross in order to make me clean.

Consumed

2008-12-03T10:57:00.000-08:00

"You saw no form of any kind the day the LORD spoke to you at Horeb out of the fire. Therefore watch yourselves very carefully, so that you do not become corrupt and make for yourselves an idol, an image of any shape, whether formed like a man or a woman, or like any animal on earth or any bird that flies in the air, or like any creature that moves along the ground or any fish in the waters below. And when you look up to the sky and see the sun, the moon and the stars—all the heavenly array—do not be enticed into bowing down to them and worshiping things the LORD your God has apportioned to all the nations under heaven. But as for you, the LORD took you and brought you out of the iron-smelting furnace, out of Egypt, to be the people of his inheritance, as you now are." Deuteronomy 4: 15-20

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts." Deuteronomy 6:4-6

As a young Christian (and even as a child), it was very obvious what things were "good" and what things were "bad." I knew not to be consumed by anger, lust, envy, pride, or selfishness. As a new Christian we are very much controlled by emotions. Everything is exciting and new and we're pumped up about our new found salvation. We become passionate about missions, evangilizing, youth group, bible study, worship, tithing and such. I have recently realized that this should be just a phase and that our passion/excitement should change as we grow. Our passion and excitement should be in Him alone.

I have come to realize that if we are consumed by anything other than God himself, no matter how good of a thing it may be, it is not right. I have been consumed by my friends, family, church, work, school, and missions. These things are not bad things, but they ended up getting more attention than my relationship with God. Jesus shows how important it is for God alone to be thing that consumes when he says to cut off your hand if it causes you to sin (Matthew 5:30; 18:8; Mark 9:43; this is also an example of how we must treat sin). If these seemingly good things are causing us to sin or are being put above the Lord our God, we must get rid of them and/or dirasctically change our priorities.

When you put things or ideas or people above God, are you loving him "with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength"? If you are consumed by your marriage, your problems, your current situation, your adoption, your finances, your children, your church, your ministry, are your eyes fixed on Him alone? We are instructed to not make idols; what is your idol?

God gives us blessings, passion, and direction not for us to be consumed by them, but to draw us to Him.

I challenge you to evaluate your own priorities, your own heart, your own thoughts and ask the Lord to show you what you have been consumed with. And then ask for the courage and strength and guidance is takes to change those things.

How He Loves Us

2008-12-01T09:20:00.000-08:00

"He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy."

Spiritual Warfare

2008-11-20T11:49:00.000-08:00

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” Ephesians 6:12
As believers, we are enemies of Satan. He does not want to see us succeed. We inhabit Christ and He dwells in us. Paul warns us about this spiritual battle in Ephesians chapter 6 when he instructs us to put on the armor of God. I think many Christians water down this truth. Satan is deceiving and whispers lies into your heart in order to put a wedge between you and your Creator. What lies has he been telling you? I want you to stop right now and ask the Lord to reveal those lies to you. Perhaps Satan is whispering to you that you don’t need God. Or maybe he’s telling you that you don’t deserve the love of God. Maybe he’s telling you that you don’t deserve good things. Whatever it is, you need to identify it (and there may be more than one) and deny it. Tear down the walls Satan has put up between you and God. Break free from the chains of deception.

Conviction of Sin and the Holy Spirit
“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” 1 Peter 5:8. Satan controls us with sin. He first whispers lies into your heart. Once you start believing those lies and give in to the thoughts, you have already sinned. Next, the thought presents itself in a real way. You may resist in the beginning, but as long as Satan has a foothold on your heart and you listen to the lies, you will actively sin. “But each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death” James 1:14-15. That is exactly what Satan wants, for your sin to give birth to death.
We have the “spiritual forces of evil” attacking us, but the Lord also gave us the Holy Spirit: “God, who knows the heart, showed that he accepted them by giving the Holy Spirit to them, just as he did to us.” Act 15:8. While Satan deceives, the Holy Spirit speaks truth in our lives. The Holy Spirit also convicts us of our sin. We are convicted of our sin so that we may do something about it. Through the Holy Spirit we are able to examine our own thoughts and actions and are able to discern Biblical right from wrong. It seemed to me that the closer and closer I got to God, the more I sinned. I just didn’t understand how that was possible. I then realized that I was more in touch with the Holy Spirit and had a greater understanding of God’s heart and therefore was able to see my sins more clearly. How thankful we should be for the Holy Spirit! God is just and punishes sin. Jesus Christ came so that we could be forgiven for our sins because in order for God to remain just, someone had to pay. The Holy Spirit is in our hearts so that we can recognize sin and repent, which brings us into a more intimate relationship with God. The trinity is perfect.

Conviction vs. Condemnation
“See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.” Colossians 2:8. Not only does Satan tell lies, but he twists the truth (as any great deceiver does). I had been bound by a particular sin. The Holy Spirit convicted me of it and I took the necessary steps to make it right. I acknowledged my sin before the Lord, I asked for forgiveness, repented by removing anything in my life that would cause me to stumble in this particular area, apologized to the people I had hurt, and took responsibility of my sin by accepting the worldly consequences and asking for my accountability partners to pray for me. I knew in my heart that I had rightfully taken care of it and that my God had forgiven me. I also know that I do not deserve this kind of grace and that is only by the goodness and love of Christ that I’m able to stand blameless before the Lord. But even in all that Satan still had a grip on my heart. He spoke to my self-worth and twisted the lie that I didn’t deserve the forgiveness of sin and therefore caused me to give into guilt. I felt that I deserved nothing good because of my sinful nature to a point that it was hindering my relationship with God. Once I realized that this was not Biblical, I had to break from the chains of condemnation. I had to renounce the lies of Satan. I had to boldly stand before the enemy and refuse to surrender to his deception. Conviction is a necessary part of our walk with Christ, but condemnation holds us back. Please do not let Satan continue to have a hold of your heart even after you have repented of your sins. Please do not let the grace of God be masked by guilt. “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:7

Titus 3:4-6 “But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior.”

Different Standard, Still Human

2008-11-17T08:29:00.000-08:00

As Christians, the Lord holds us to a different standard than those of the world. (John 17:16, 2 Corinthians 10:2-3, Philippians 1:27; 2:1-5; 3:17). The church often holds leaders and missionaries to an even higher standard. We must have confidence that our pastors, elders, heads of committees, Bible study leaders, mission coordinators, worship team, etc are living Biblically and are earnest in their faith. We have to be discerning when it comes to choosing those in leadership positions.

With that said, God calls and works through broken people (David, Saul, Hannah, Job, Ruth, the Israelites). Though we have been made new, we are still human. Those in exalted positions are tempted. Pastors struggle with addiction. Missionaries struggle with lust. Elders struggle with pride. Committee leaders struggle with anger. Why are we so shocked when we find out our leaders fail? We trust them and put our confidence in them. But shouldn't we be putting our confidence in the One who called them?
And since we know that these people deal with the same things as the rest of us, why are we so harsh and so quick to judge? And isn't Christ the only one who can truly judge the heart (Romans 14:10, James 4:12)? Why do we tear down with accusations, turn up our noses, and shake our heads? Is this an example of love?

We should be saddened by sin (Romans 12:9). We should hurt when others hurt (1 Corinthians 12:26). We should be praying for our leaders without any personal motive (1 Timothy 2:8). We should encourage one another (2 Chronicles 35:2, Hebrews 3:13).

"Therefore let us stop passing judgement on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way." Romans 14:13

(This blog is a place for me to share thoughts and express ideas. I'd love to hear what you think. I have much to learn and look forward to good conversations, whether you agree or disagree.)

Becoming a Whatever Christian

2008-11-13T10:23:00.000-08:00

Ever feel like your relationship with Christ isn't going anywhere?

It's probably because you haven't died to yourself. "For me, to live is Christ and to die is gain" Philippians 1:21. For years I never understood this verse. I became a Christian in December of 2000 and not until recently has this verse really stuck out to me. I'd been taking baby steps in my walk with Christ, growing here and there. And then I reached a point where I was faced with a decision. Was I going to keep trying to have both the world and Christ? Or was I going to die to myself and gain what cannot be measured? Was I going to make the conscience decision to throw away all the junk in my life, good or bad, and give it all to Christ? Was I going to stand before the Lord my God and deny Him everything that He owns? Everything that He gave? Was I going to water down the depth of His love, His goodness, His death on the cross by choosing to live for myself? If you are not at this point or never have been I pray you get there soon. Because your life will change radically.

Are we willing to be Whatever Christians? Are you willing to say to God: "Whatever it takes! Whatever you want! Whatever you ask of me, I will do it."
This kind of gesture requires two kinds of faith: one, the faith in the goodness of God and two, the faith that your fellow Christians have your back when you lay it all down.

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness." 2 Peter 1:3. Do you believe this, dear Christian? Because if we truly believed that He has given us EVERYTHING we need, why would we be so hesitant to give it all away? I found 9 different times in the Bible with the exact phrase "He is good" which is followed by "His love endures forever." Out of His goodness flows love and out of His love flows goodness. I'm not talking about circumstances, but the very NATURE of God. "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17. God is bigger than your circumstances. His good nature does not change with situations. Do you trust that?

Christians, we have been failing each other. We gossip and tear down instead of encourage and lift up. Why would anyone want to become "one of us"? If we can't love each other, how can we love our enemies? The wound of betrayal stings much worse coming from a friend than an enemy. We expect unbelievers to be selfish and hurt each other, yet we Christians do it to each other. "He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with him. Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." 1 Thessalonians 5:10-11 (italics and bold mine). I have some really great friends that know my heart and support me when I follow Christ. They love me despite my sin and hold me accountable to my actions. They speak the truth in love and hold me up. They've got my back. It would be incredibly difficult to become a Whatever Christian without those people. Don't you see, brothers and sisters, that we were designed to live in community? Please do not isolate yourselves as so many Christians do. Jesus led by example by having a close group of disciples that He called friends. And church, please make community a priority. Please do not let your congregation become just a group of acquaintances, but encourage real, godly friendships to happen.

Are YOU ready to become a Whatever Christian? Are YOU ready to get down on your knees and make a life commitment to say "whatever you desire, Lord, it's yours"?

Lord God, I come to you now broken and in need of you. Fill me up and strengthen me so that I may live for you and only you. Guard my heart from the hardness of sin. Make yourself known to me. Allow me to serve you. God I ask that you protect my fellow Christians from the enemy. Continue to show me ways that I can encourage others. This task of becoming a Whatever Christian is not easy and I know I'm going to fail, but you are my strength and I run to you in times of weakness. Thank you for the cross Lord. Thank you that I have direct access to you. I praise you because you are good and your love endures forever. Let my life be a reflection of this. Amen.

(This idea of a "Whatever Christian" came from a sermon I heard at Father's House in Vacaville, CA. The pastor's name is Jules and the credit goes to him.)